That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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