So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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