She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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