and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize