i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
