This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
