Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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