He kissed a someone with a penis
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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