there's paper in my vomit.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
