I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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