i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
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