He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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