Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
