Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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