so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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