So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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