I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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