have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
