My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
