I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
