Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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