This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
