I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
