There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
