Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
