What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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