You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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