I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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