someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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