The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
