I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
