guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
