I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize