I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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