She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
