you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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