I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
