Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
