I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
