If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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