I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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