I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
