Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
