Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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