i just wanna soil my oats bro
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
false alarm. still invincible.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Found the puke drawer
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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