I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
