: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize