no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
