i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
