I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
