I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
