i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
