i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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