I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
