Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
even my farts smell like vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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