I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
