If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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