Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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