Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
