I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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