You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
