explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
