addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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