Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
