I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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