I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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