i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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