Are we in a gay sports bar?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
