I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
