Buhtt sex?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
