Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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