I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
420 ftw
i will never coherently bang her
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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