dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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