fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
