ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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