he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
jump out the window naked night went bad
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize