Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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